Ep. 4: From Compliments to Critical Gossip

In this episode, Jenny addresses the following scenario: A pastor has befriended a new church member and finds that after a very positive connection full of compliments, the relationship has become increasingly critical, with negative gossip about him spreading around church members.  Jenny discusses the nature of fast-tracking of togetherness in a relationship. What pacing of a new relationship prevents unhealthy fusion and cultivates thoughtful boundaries? The dynamic described is especially relevant in non-family groups such as community clubs, workplaces, and faith organizations. However, it can also play out in extended families when an in-law enters the fold with an exaggerated welcome.

This podcast is pertinent to this online symposium in a couple of weeks: https://www.thefsi.com.au/events/symposium-navigating-challenging-relationships-in-ministry/


About the Managing Challenging Relationships series: In this Podcast series, Dr Jenny Brown responds to written requests to share her thinking about a tricky relationship challenge. She draws from her understanding of Bowen family systems theory to shed light on especially challenging relationship situations. She provides some ideas to make sense of the issue and draws from her clinical experience to describe a real-life example of dealing with a similar dynamic.

Note: Some details of questions have been changed for protecting privacy. 

Ep. 3: Heightened Upset from a mother to her adult daughter

This scenario involves an adult daughter, her mother and her husband and father.  

She writes: “Another issue that keeps coming up is when I got married and moved out of home. We would visit once a week but to her it wasn’t enough. She wanted us to move in with her and my dad. She stopped communicating with us for half a year because of this. In some ways, she still blames me for her poor mental health and illnesses because I got married and left home.” 


About the Managing Challenging Relationships series: In this Podcast series, Dr Jenny Brown responds to written requests to share her thinking about a tricky relationship challenge. She draws from her understanding of Bowen family systems theory to shed light on especially challenging relationship situations. She provides some ideas to make sense of the issue and draws from her clinical experience to describe a real-life example of dealing with a similar dynamic.

Note: Some details of questions have been changed for protecting privacy. 

Ep. 2: A ruptured relationship between adult siblings

In this episode, Jenny addresses the following question: “How do I deal with my distant adult brother, who cuts off from our family at the first hint of any tension?” Jenny notes how helpful it is to see the perspective over time– that is the backdrop of the current challenge. This family has a history of significant loss and adversity. Jenny locates the challenge within relationship triangles and explores ways to operate more from themself as a sister than from their alliance with their mother.


About the Managing Challenging Relationships series:

In this Podcast series, Dr Jenny Brown responds to written requests to share her thinking about a tricky relationship challenge. She draws from her understanding of Bowen family systems theory to shed light on especially challenging relationship situations. She provides some ideas to make sense of the issue and draws from her clinical experience to describe a real-life example of dealing with a similar dynamic.

Note: Some details of questions have been changed for protecting privacy. 

Ep. 1: Should I cut off from my narcissistic mother?

In this episode, Jenny addresses the following question:

Can you possibly address how efforts at Growing Yourself Up are the same or different when facing a narcissistic individual? In my case, my own mother. Many sources I’ve read on narcissism suggest that often the best course of action is “no contact” (which is obviously in direct opposition to suggestions in your book). I’d be really interested in hearing anything about this unique facet of growing yourself up.


About the Managing Challenging Relationships series:

In this Podcast series, Dr Jenny Brown responds to written requests to share her thinking about a tricky relationship challenge. She draws from her understanding of Bowen family systems theory to shed light on especially challenging relationship situations. She provides some ideas to make sense of the issue and draws from her clinical experience to describe a real-life example of dealing with a similar dynamic.

Note: Some details of questions have been changed for protecting privacy. 

Ep. 4: Parents and children in constant view. How to resist the pull to be over-monitoring.

A conscientious parent can sometimes find themselves over focussing on one or more of their children. The appropriate level of connection and supervision can gradually increase to a worry driven response to a child – especially a child that we are more sensitive to. At this time of lockdown and school closure, this pattern can easily be intensified. A cycle of over monitoring, which can be either positive or negative in tone, contributes to children becoming reactive rather than responsible. The key to reversing this is for parents to shift attention to calming themselves, being realistic and only putting energy into what is within their control.

Ep. 3: Couples living in lock-down. How to stay connected and not suffocated.

Couples finding an even balance between connection and space to be individuals is central for the health of their relationship. How do you work on this balance when spending so much time together in Covid-19 lockdown? It’s easy to experience varying degrees of suffocation in a relationship and to use emotional distancing to manage this. Making a deliberate choice to stay connected is a way of protecting a relationship at this time, however, the ways a couple connect is key. It’s all too easy to triangle and talk about 3rd party topics – including the children. This is not the same as genuinely sharing ourselves with our spouse.

When the unfolding COVID-19 ‘Reality TV-like Drama’ moves into the territory of obsession.

Having an external drama to be absorbed in can become a detour from experiencing and addressing other more generalised tensions and issues in our lives. The anxiety sponge of the current crisis is so easily fed by an intense repetitive news cycle and amplified by social media posts. We can superficially feel better and experience a heightened togetherness amid this drama – but is this sustainable? And what are the costs? How can we thoughtfully allocate our limited supplies of life energy right now?

New weekly podcast!

STAYING STEADY IN THESE ANXIOUS TIMES

In this weekly 10 min podcast, Dr. Jenny Brown will reflect on ways to manage ourselves and our relationships in the face of the current tsunami of change and uncertainty. Each week will look at a different topic relevant to ourselves or our key relationships. Drawing from family systems thinking and her clinical experiences, Jenny will consider ways to navigate patterns of stress that we can observe in our lives, our marriages and our parenting.

Week 1 = When social distancing can become emotional

Week 2 = When the unfolding COVID-19 ‘Reality TV-like Drama’ moves into the territory of obsession.

Week 3 = Couples living in lock-down. How to stay connected and not suffocated.

Week 4 = Parents and children in constant view. How to resist the pull to be over-monitoring.

Week 5 = Couples in close proximity. How to understand and reduce an escalation in conflict.

Week 6 = Parents supervising children’s schoolwork. What is and isn’t effective?

Week 7 = Staying connected to extended family. How is this helpful to couples, parents, and children?

Week 8 = Becoming more mature in the face of challenges. How can this season be an opportunity for developing goals that have substance?

When social distancing can become emotional hibernation.

Withdrawing is a natural response to stress. What happens when it is socially mandated? What do we need to watch out for in following societal obligations while watching that we don’t inadvertently contribute to vulnerability to mood symptoms?

Stay tuned for the weekly series:

 Week 2 = When the unfolding COVID-19 ‘Reality TV-like Drama’ moves into the territory of obsession.

Week 3 = Couples living in lock-down. How to stay connected and not suffocated.

Week 4 = Parents and children in constant view. How to resist the pull to be over-monitoring.

Week 5 = Couples in close proximity. How to understand and reduce an escalation in conflict.

Week 6 = Parents supervising children’s schoolwork. What is and isn’t effective?

Week 7 = Staying connected to extended family. How is this helpful to couples, parents, and children?

Week 8 = Becoming more mature in the face of challenges. How can this season be an opportunity for developing goals that have substance?

Our support services remain available as telehealth during this time. Contact the Family Systems Practice on 02 9904 5600 contact@thefsp.com.au

For those who want to understand how family system therapy provides a map for navigating stress in self and relationships see the online seminars at the Family Systems Institute: www.thefsi.com.au

Old Age and facing death in our family

“Our family could have been a more supportive resource if individuals were able to balance their efforts to keep going with time to talk with each other about our struggles in the midst of grief.” –

J Brown, Growing Yourself Up, Chapter 15 Old Age and facing Death : Denial or honest preparation.

In this pod cast I reflect on the lessons learned from death in my family of origin, applied to a more recent death in my family system. What does it take to contribute to a more open system of relationships during the painful, anxious time of preparing for a death? How much are we able to communicate our thoughts, feelings and imaginings to another and allow them to reciprocate? How does the dying person do this and how do other family members ask good open questions and share their own experiences?